Monday, February 28, 2011

The beginning of the journey

I start my 30-day yoga challenge tomorrow evening, with a hot yoga class after work. I've done hot yoga several times (and blogged about it), and I love it.

So why am I so nervous? I've done yoga on and off for years, though it obviously hasn't had any effect on my flexibility or strength. It's one of the few places where I can let my thoughts go and just listen to my body, and perhaps one day appreciate it for what it does despite the extra lumps and bumps I wish it didn't have.

I am desperately afraid of failure. To me, failure is one of the worst feelings in the entire world. I am afraid that I won't be able to do 30 days straight. I am afraid that I will give up when it gets too hard. I am afraid that it won't make a difference and I'll be just as unhappy when I finish.

But maybe most of all, I'm afraid that it will change me. I am afraid that I will come out at the end and realize how bad of a person I was before I started. I am afraid that I will not be happy with my life after the challenge, because I can't afford to take a class every day for the rest of my life.

I have failed in some of the things I have set out to do, as everyone has in life. Sometimes I feel like I've failed at being a good wife, let alone the Perfect Housewife.

But this is one thing that I cannot fail, because I believe this will show how strong I really am. And not being strong would be devastating to me.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Muffins, cheesecake and a short hiatus

My husband is apparently addicted to blueberry muffins.

As a treat several weeks ago I made low-calorie muffins, which he then took for breakfast for the rest of the week. They're were quite tasty, but as I posted about a few weeks ago, they weren't exactly what he was looking for. So, I continued the search for a better low-calorie blueberry muffin.

I ended up finding one on, a site dedicated to helping people lose weight as a community.They're even lower calorie than the first ones, but they're much denser and more moist, as the recipe includes vanilla yogurt.

They were a hit, and so I made another batch of them last weekend. That batch is now gone, and Mr. V is requesting that I bake another one. I've created a monster.

Last weekend was also my birthday, and following a family tradition, I baked my own birthday cakes. One was the typical Betty Crocker mix, but I decided to get all fancy for the second one, and made a chocolate brownie cheesecake.

Were I a teenager, my response would be "OMG!" That cheesecake was delicious! It was one of the more time intensive cheesecakes I've ever made, as I had to make the crust (assisted by my capable husband), make the brownies, and then make the cheesecake itself. It was definitely worth the time, but it won't be a recipe that I can just whip up on a whim. It went over very well at my family birthday party though, so I will certainly be keeping it in my arsenal for the future.

And now we come to my hiatus. As I noted last weekend, I have signed up for a 30-day yoga challenge at my yoga studio. Every day from March 1 to 30 I will take a yoga class, in a possibly vain effort to centre myself, gain some self-esteem and learn to breathe again. Unfortunately this means my Perfect Housewife duties will be falling by the wayside, but instead I will be blogging every day (seriously) about the challenge, my thoughts and any problems I encounter. My aim is to come out the other side a much calmer and more centred woman, but as usual there are no guarantees. I'm hoping this short journey of self-discovery will wash away some stress and remind me of the importance of liking myself as a person, whether I'm a Perfect Housewife or not.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Being domesticated

This weekend, I am being a wife. I am not being an editor, I'm not being a professional.

I have had a rough couple weeks at work (hence my silence on this blog), and so, this weekend I am decompressing. I am going to bake muffins, make delicious dinners for my husband, and be a bit lazy. It will also be my birthday on Monday, so I am baking two cakes for a Sunday family dinner.

I'm also taking Mr. V to yoga with me tomorrow. As I noted late last year, I love hot yoga. It's one hour where I can forget the outside world and let my mind concentrate on nothing but my breathing. Though my flexibility is in my legs is still poor after more than a decade of horseback riding, yoga actually lets me stretch.

So, I will also be starting a 30-day yoga challenge on March 1. Every day until March 30, I will attend a yoga class. It is my hope that I will be able to return to the woman I want to be, and perhaps work on that flexibility issue.

I need to be happy, and lately the outside world is not making me happy. Thus, I must attain happiness from within. This is not to say that my husband, family and friends are not wonderful; they are, and I love them dearly. But even the Perfect Housewife has to find contentment in something other than a beautiful house, fantastic cooking and delicious baking. It is time to find happiness.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

The muffin results

As I noted yesterday, I made blueberry muffins for the first time last night. All in all, they turned out well. However, they were obviously low-fat and low-calorie. To me this was just fine, but they weren't what my husband was looking for. I quite enjoyed my little muffin breakfast though.

That's not to say he didn't enjoy them, but he suggested that next time I add butter. That kind of defeats the purpose of low-fat muffins. Adding butter adds fat, and that wasn't what I was looking for.

Sometimes this whole dieting thing makes me weary.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Mmm muffins

One of my requests for Christmas was for someone to buy me some muffin tins, since cupcakes and muffins are two of my favourite things (perhaps my carb fixation contributed to my extra poundage up until a year ago?). My parents obliged, and when I came downstairs on Christmas morning there were two muffin tins under the tree.

Today, they are having their coming out party. Tonight, I will attempt to make blueberry muffins, because my husband has requested one for breakfast tomorrow morning, and of course as The Perfect Housewife, I live to grant my husband's wishes.

Happily, one muffin is only 137 calories, meaning I can have one for breakfast tomorrow too. We leave on our honeymoon in 70 days, so 10 weeks from now. As hard as it sometimes I will be counting my calories every day, so a low-calorie, low-fat treat like a blueberry muffin is very exciting to me.